You guessed it, I’m one of those organic shopping, granola eating, vegetable juicing, vegan(ish)*, Boulderites. And I love it!
I’ve never really done product reviews (unless complaining to Chris counts) but after sitting here for 20+ minutes twisting and turning in an attempt to speed up digestion on the lump of fiber that’s hanging in the pit of my stomach I’ve been inspired to start…
Luna’s “New” 70% Organic Chocolate Raspberry Fiber Bar was included as a free sample in last week’s Diva Dash race packet. And because I haven’t been to the grocery store in over a week (and because I neglected to read the “70% Organic”) I decided to eat it for this morning’s boost of energy before heading out on my morning run. But now, 25 min later, I’m sitting here with a strange lump in my belly and seriously considering replacing today’s trip to the trails with a Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon… this lump-o-fiber is requesting a little quiet time.
The review it gives itself reads: “As women, we want what’s good for us to also taste really good. LUNA Fiber, a soft-baked, fruit-filled bar with 7 grams of hunger-curbing fiber, is anything but bland…” yadda yadda yadda “packed with protein” yadda yadda “delightfully satisfying” yadda “boosted by the CORE 4” (uh?)… “LUNA Fiber celebrates the power of positive snacking! -The Women Of Luna”. It seriously says “The Women Of Luna”.
So basically this is just a bunch of FDA word-smithing derived from focus groups with women who have exercised the taste buds right out of their heads. FYI “The CORE 4” is described as: “While other nutrients are also essential for human nutrition, the CORE 4 nutrients are listed because of their importance to many women seeking to maintain their health.” Oh, okay, umm… I’m sorry but whaaat?!
Any-hoo, my review is simple: Best when starving!
PS, calling something “70% Organic” is basically the same as saying “Hey, the water is only 30% contaminated so jump on in!” And don’t even get me started on the chocolate claim.
My suggested “CORE 4” for women seeking to maintain their health: Whole Wheat Bread, Peanut Butter, Honey and a Knife. A PBH sammie 40 min before your run gets you home strong every time… and no wasted packaging.
Now to find the remote.
I’ve been a vegetarian for over 20 years. I wish I could offer some magnanimous reason for not eating meat but I’m afraid it boils down to being so grossed out by the raw chicken I worked with during my 2 year stint at Bolton Dining Hall (UGA) that I haven’t been able to eat anything processed in a packing plant ever since.
I was a Student Manager for the dinner shift and one of my many roles was to check-in the 20,000+ chicken breasts that arrived each week. About 3 chickens into the first shipment I made the decision to stop eating food that had been touched by human hands…the chicken wasn’t the problem, it was all the filth and human grim that came with the birds. Of course the cleanliness of the dorm kitchen kaboshed that plan so I switched my conviction to include fried foods that were too hot to be touched and things I had washed with bleach in the laundry room sink. I dropped 10 pounds in my first two weeks of school.
After mindlessly grazing through Monday, Tuesday AND Wednesday I decided to pull up the old resolutions to re-energize my 2012 commitment to health and fitness and to once again remind myself that women without work or kids should probably have slammin’ bodies. Oh how the delight meter soared (insert snark) when this little empowerment exercise reminded me of the four Colorado triathlons I’ve sworn to complete by the end of this summer…
Three thoughts came to mind:
1. Who forgets a resolution like that?
2. What was I thinking, and why the number four?
3. Where’s all the spunk and energy I had when writing these resolutions? “Under the 18″ of snow you were bragging about on Monday” says the bag of chips sitting in my lap. “Thanks for the reminder bag of chips” says Spice… as you can see, the snow really does a number on my enthusiasm for exercise.
BAAAWAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Chris laughing). I know it sounds loopy but I’m gonna give it try because the “look at the French, they eat all those rich sauces and cheeses and never gain an ounce” reasoning kinda tickles my emotional eating fancy and I’m still one of those women who believe the French have life figured out.