I’m putting my blog timeline out of whack with this post but I have to share this fabulousness with the world. Tuesday’s trip back to Boulder was a tough one. First, to prepare for the snowstorm that was hitting Denver (and because they wouldn’t fit in my carry-on and I refuse to pay baggage fees) I was in Atlanta’s 85 degree heat wearing wool socks and a winter fleece. Next, I arrived at the airport just as the tornadoes were pummeling Texas so all air traffic was thrown into a tailspin and flights out of Atlanta were rescheduled with crazy long delays. Lastly, and others clearly agreed so don’t go thinking I’m the bitch here, there was a rather large number of shitty little kids and their screaming mothers waiting to board the flight. Needless to say the vibe at the airport was punchy.
So about 20 min into our two hour delay, Vanilla Kanye Ice shows up wearing his double hats with a pair of sunglasses ’round back and walking with a swag designed to make his Oh-limpic chain swing from pit to pit…oh it gets better!
As he strutted up in his basketball uniform the older woman sitting next to me (who had already confided that the young mother ripping her husband a new one was about to be single) gave out an “OH LAWD, what is that fool up to now? Um um um!” and then looked at me with one of those “whatever happens, you and I are in this together” looks…and I nodded in agreement.
Come to find out, nothing tickles me more then watching a loud idiot discover his flight has been delayed. He was the comedic equivalent of a train wreck and my prayers for something to save me from such a painful delay were answered as he set out to convince the gate agent to “change the situation”. It was classic! First he rapper sweet talked, then he got loud and offended, and then he drop his shoulders and turned his back to the agent as if she owed him an apology. As he stood there expecting all of us to applaud she simply said “Can I help the next person in line” – IT WAS PRICELESS!!!!
As you know, these types of characters never slink away to lick their wounds so he found a seat in full view and started running the gamut of emotions – pouty, fed up, laughing hysterically about something in his headphones, tired, sad, poetic, snoring…I could tell each time he changed because the woman next to me let out some sort of breath driven noise. During the flight he caused a little ruckus but nothing major. He did flare up to older man confused about seating but other then that he stuck to himself. The best part of the story is what happened when we landed in Denver. Just as I was walking past his row, he woke up with a snort, grabbed his sack of belongings from the overhead and cut me off to run down the isle. I followed him off the plane (still wearing his two hats and sunglasses) and into the terminal where he stopped dead in his tracks and announced (to ???) “This doesn’t look like Salt Lake!”.
As I was walking away I heard the commotion of him trying to get back onto the flight without any paperwork or boarding information and was once again reminded of my little Aunt Thelma who always said “The Good Lord always protects babies and fools”.
I posted the picture on Facebook and here were some of the responses:
“Hmmm, makes you wonder what’s under the 1st one. Where’s the US Air Marshall?”
“You have to ask what’s up!”
“That’s the seldom seen “Jock Hipster”…..very rare to see such a specimen outside of the bar or the gym.”
“Big wup. Is it one of those flights that charge for checked bagage? Maybe he’s wearing two or three of everything. Or he’s from someplace like NY where he’s a Yankee and a Mets fan. The glasses, he’s prob. been looking for all day. I’m with Alex, tell him.”
“That looks alarmingly like my brother .”
“And I’m thinking ,” what’s in the knotted T shirt bundle he’s stuck in the overhead”?
“looks like Joey Two Hats from Queens but I can’t really see his face”
“You have a gift for spotting oddness”
“Is he single…? ;-).”
“I want to fly with you… you always see the funniest things and meet the craziest people!”
Here’s the mother ripping her husband a new one…