Yesterday I found myself pretending to shop Ann Taylor’s Spring 2012 Nautical Collection so that I could secretly snap pics of a classic case of baby doll abuse and photo bomb my sister, Fawn. I know it sounds creepy for a grown woman to hide behind clothes and use her camera phone to take pictures of a little kid (ok, it actually is creepy) but in all honesty I spied the little thing aggressively rolling her baby doll through cosmetics and couldn’t help but draw a parallel between her expression and the one most new mothers develop sometime during the third week of mommiehood and I had to share it with Fawn. It was the “I’m tired of dragging this thing thing around!” look… but unlike real new mommies she didn’t care if the world knew how much she was hating life.
I would have snapped and left but considering it was 3 pm and she was refusing to say hello to the friend her mother just bumped into, I knew she was right on the edge of that very moment when her rage at being saddled with a very bad decision (to roll Baby around all day) was about to take over and she was going to whirl Baby across jewelry and collapse into an uncontrollable fit of screams and I just couldn’t miss it!
I was actually on my way to the bathroom (for those of you who know me, the Macy’s at 29th actually has a pretty clean facility and for some unknown reason I’m able to use it) when the sight of an angry 4 year old rolling a carry-on through the department store begged me to look over my shoulder to see what was up… and this is when I spied Baby. She was strapped to her roller-bag the same way NASCAR drivers are strapped into their seats; which was good considering all the Ricky Bobby Shake-N-Bake moves she was being subjected to. My first thought was to chuckle and carry on to nature’s call but then the urge to snap a photo and send it to Fawn with a “NINK In Training” caption came over me and I found myself with no choice but to put my b-room trip on hold and lurk along until I could get everything in frame.
Because mother kept looking back to make sure the child was keeping up I was having a hard time capturing the perfect photo that would do the scene justice. I found a little more time when mother stopped to talk to a friend but browsing a rack of identical striped tees while casually pointing my phone in the ever-changing direction of the child was pushing my luck so unfortunately these were all I could get…but I still think they’re pretty hysterical! By the way, what kind of mother doesn’t notice a strange woman holding a camera phone in the direction of her child from less than 6 feet away???
Any who, in the end my wishes for a total meltdown were thwarted when mother’s friend asked if she could hold Baby and the little mommy happily threw baby on the ground to un-click her from the harness and hand her off to someone who might actually take her home (yet another parallel to an actual new mommy). I wanted to stick around to witness the brutality of strapping Baby back onto her roller-bag but my disguise was exposed when a sweet elderly woman asked if “we”, assuming my proximity to the other two woman was a sign that we were together, were aware of the additional 15% off and that’s when the two ladies gave me the “look” and I made the decision to quickly browse the rest of the identical tees so that I could make an intentional departure instead of slinking away as if I’d been caught taking photos of a child that wasn’t mine.
Instead of sending them directly to Fawn I thought this might be a fun way to share a little more about me… my humor, my willingness to look like a fool, the value I place on funny things, my admiration of little kids and their lack of shame, how I get myself into trouble, how I spend my time, how I avoid writing my book…then again, maybe this isn’t the right stuff to put online.