If you’re not a subscriber to Goop you really should be, it’s a pretty good weekly chuckle from our own modern day Marie Antoinette, Gwyneth Paltrow.

I know, I know, Gwyneth “Fasting For Fun” Paltrow giving lifestyle tips to the middle class is as farfetched as Gwyneth Paltrow being an Oscar winning actress -don’t get me started. But that’s what makes the newsletters so much fun. Trust me, the “we’re speaking the same language” tone she uses while discussing what “us gals” like to wear/do/think/see/say/drink/not eat when cruising the Med makes scrolling through all of her cleansing advice totally worth it. And I swear to all things holy, her hair will keep you in stitches!

The posts start with typical Goop photo; A very shy Gwyneth grinning from between her collarbones as she stands in her signature tres-chic slouch and shows off whatever she happens to be hocking for the latest sponsor. Sometimes she shakes it up and uses a “Where am I?” pose, but that’s usually reserved for the tight dresses. I can only guess she wears her hair all messy and tossed in an attempt to connect with those of us who are reading her blog in pjs because we lack regular employment… meaning we don’t wash or brush our hair on a daily basis.

In true Goop “Let Them Eat Cake” fashion, this post assumes that the only reason we haven’t considered purchasing new and expensive pieces (like the $1100 Boy Blazer) and mixing them with the affordable basics we already own (like the $285 tuxedo shirt) is because we’ve never been privy to the fashion industry’s insider secrets for updating a look while extending the budget. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that this little outfit is actually $3410, give or take a few cents. I find the fact that she’s upcycled the Golden Rule of single mothers, absolutely hysterical! Oh Gwenny! You’re so precious, do you by any chance have a tip on where one might purchase their own truffle finding piglet?

If you can’t tell, I’m not a fan of Gwyneth’s. I do admit that most of my snark is motivated by a smidge of jealously due to the fact that she’s being praised (read paid) for doing the same the things I feel like I’ve been doing for over 15 years (minus the bad acting)… I even worked with Mario Batali! But I still suggest you sign up for the Goop updates because they’re funny to read and most of the suggestions can be “downsized” to fit a more practical budget. Occasionally she does collaborate with people who offer good food for thought but if nothing else her posts will hopefully remind you how not to be ridiculous.

And after you read the posts let me know what you think because, in weird way, I’ll translate your thoughts into personal feedback for my own endeavors. Now off to ask mom if she likes Gwyneth’s hair just so I can watch her shake her head and say “What are you girls thinking these days?”

S

PS, aren’t boyfriend jeans suppose to be on loan, free, from your boyfriend?

Goop The Boyfriend Jeans | NET-A-PORTER.COM.